The Importance of Finding Your Own Third Place

Window display at Boswell Book Company featuring the book "The Presidents Hat" by Antoine Laurain. 

There is a theory that says we each need at least three places to go (beside our own residence) where we can just relax and hang-out at the drop of a hat.  It's an important element for our emotional well-being and general health and points to the importance of connection with at least several others on an intimate level.  In today's world however, that "third" place for many isn't grandma's house like it once was, but instead is now a bookstore, a coffee shop or some other more "public" space.

I consider myself lucky because for many years I lived in close proximity to relatives where I could just drop in without much notice.  I felt safe, loved, welcomed and special in their homes.  Today, its harder to fill this need as we often live hundreds if not thousands of miles apart and "dropping in" is out of the question.  Yes, we can drop in with Skype, but its just not the same!

So now, instead of going to mom's or grandma's or to an aunt's house, I personally have chosen a local independent bookstore as one of my "third" places. To me, there is something very special and almost sacred about this place - like visiting an art gallery or an art museum is sacred to me.  I usually go there seeking something bigger than or beyond myself.  I am usually looking for a bit of comfort for my spirit and my soul.  I think as much as anything, I go there seeking the "truth" in some form in a world where so much isn't, and I often find what I'm looking for within the pages of a book.

Interviewed in a recent article in USA Today, Howard Schultz, CEO of Starbucks, said that his stores are positioned to be a "third" place for us in addition to our home and workplace.  Starbucks is intentionally positioned to address our deepest need for "home away from home" and little did we know - we just keep thinking we go there for coffee. 

Getting back to my love for independent bookstores, last week I attended an author presentation at Boswell Book Company on Downer Avenue in Milwaukee.  Antoine Laurain , author of The President's Hat was the guest author, having traveled from Paris on his first American book tour.  He was intelligent, charming, articulate, and humorous and he worked hard on speaking to us in English. I'm so glad to have met him and I'm looking forward to reading the book.

What I'm really getting at is if you love to read or just hang out in a place filled with books, (or like a new friend says, " just to go smell books"), what better place to go than an independent bookstore as your "third" place.  Who knows, you might meet an old friend (I did) or make a new one (I did)or maybe even grab a latte - did you know Boswell's has a Starbucks right next door?  Talk about killing two birds with one stone - or having two "third" places under one roof! The thought of it is almost too much.

Mindfully Eating an Ice Cream Cone



Lydia mindfully eating her first ice cream cone.

I remember what Saki Santorelli said one day when I was training to become a Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction teacher.  He said something like, "If you eat an ice cream cone, eat it slowly, very slowly, take your time, really take your time and enjoy it, lick by lick.  Here is my granddaughter Lydia eating her first ice cream cone.  I think a picture is worth a thousand words, so I'm not going to write any more other than to say I think she's truly focused and having a "present moment experience".